Growth
You aren’t who you were yesterday. And you definitely aren’t who you were a year ago. The changes may or may not be obvious, but you’ve grown. You’ve picked up experiences. You’ve learned lessons, and you’ve gained perspective. Much of this has happened without you even knowing it. Each day has shaped you in some minute way, usually without your awareness, but the compiling of these incremental changes, day after day, amounts to growth of some kind.
And maybe you’ve learned lessons that were obvious. You may have encountered significant changes in your life and the differences between you today and you from a year ago are apparent. Perhaps some circumstance in life challenged you and forced you to change something in yourself to cope. And then again, maybe you faced a challenge in a way you wouldn’t have in a previous version of yourself. The growth you had to make to meet that challenge becomes visible to you either at the point of conflict or at its resolution.
I know I am not the person I was a year ago. And I knew I had grown. There were signposts along the way and people along my journey who saw and helped me see it. But I didn’t fully realize I’d transformed until faced with a challenge that required a new version of me to overcome.
I never put myself first. I took care of everyone else, sometimes at a cost to my happiness or well-being. It was just the person I was. I didn’t do it as a martyr. I didn’t look for credit or commendation. I simply never valued myself highly enough to put my own needs at the forefront. I did this so entirely and for so long, I saw it as my duty. I saw doing for others and being for others as the source of my worth as a person.
But I have grown. With counseling–both professional and the counsel of people near and dear — I have come to see things differently. I have come to understand what is and what is not my role. I fired myself from the job of caretaker, of full-time giver. I moved myself up the line of who deserved my attention and consideration.
So, when faced with a choice about whom to put first, I was able to subdue my age old instinct. I could say, “this time it’s about me.” It wasn’t easy. I knew it was the right thing, truly the only thing to do. It wasn’t even really a choice. I knew the path I needed to take. But it still went against the grain of years of experience and conditioning.
Beyond that, the choice I had to make affected someone else’s happiness. I am, by nature, a pleaser. I don’t want anyone hurt. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for anyone suffering, but I had to remind myself, and embrace the words of those who care about me, and know that the choice was about my happiness or someone else’s, and I deserved it as much as they did. It was my turn.
Growth can be uncomfortable. We have to expand our thinking beyond borders we’ve constructed. We have to stretch ourselves in new ways and question old assumptions. Unconscious growth happens in small ways, but conscious growth takes an investment in ourselves. It takes a dedication to bettering who we are in some facet of our lives. For me, it took recognizing that I was worth the investment, that I am worth at least as much as those who care about me would invest.
I am not the man I was yesterday. I am definitely not the man I was a year ago. For me, the changes are obvious. I’ve grown. I picked up experiences and learned lessons. I’ve gained perspective. For years, I was the job I performed. The duties I carried out defined me. I fired myself from that job. And I am ready to continue growing in my new role as my own valuable person.
Phillip Davis is the author of Peppermint Lightning, Jack-o-’Lightning, and Justice for the Missing. He is an elementary school teacher, and mental-health advocate. He writes on the topics of writing, mental health, and self-improvement.
